~MilitaryGoth

It's been forever since I've updated this... heh..

I'm sad...

I just recently read someone's online journal and found that they had summed up practically everything that I feel... I miss the feeling of love... I've only ever had two true loves... One couldn't handle what comes with a relationship, and the other I didn't show that I cared... In both cases I found myself dead inside... Now I feel for another, but I cannot have her in my life... She has been taken away from me.. And I cannot bring her back... *sigh*

I think I will use my DA journal when I don't want others to read my journals... I don't want to restrict my friends from viewing, but I don't want to just show them either...

I was hyper earlier... Not anymore... Now I = depressed... *sigh* I need to sharpen one of my old knives...

Piper and I talked... She says that she wasn't pissed at me, and was taking a vacation from all of her friends... Not to be mean, but how many friends can she have up here... She's not been here long enough to make many, and her lack of leaving the house has to have made it hard... At one time, I wanted to be her bestest of best friends, but it seems that Cody is going to make that impossible... I say something and he completely twists it to make it seem like I want to hurt her... She says something and he completely twists it to make it seem like she hates me... grr... I am tough enough for most to understand my feelings, but he has to add to it..? GAH.. kill me now.. please

I've lost hope int the Piper/Cody situation... I tried to help, and got only more stress/frustration/and pain... If they want to live without happiness, and in pain all the time... I won't stop them, or even try to help them out... If they come to their senses I'll be here, but I'm not sure for how much longer, cause I've lost EVERYTHING out here... I am planning my moving now... I need to get out... Maybe even find friends... Unlikely, but these meds do seem to be helping me to interact with others... They don't help at all with depression though..